I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
