So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
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After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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