someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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