fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize