when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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