Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
