Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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