It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You dont lie about slip and slides
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
