he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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