Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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