you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
