Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
