Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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