3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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