Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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