You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
