Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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