I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
