ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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