My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
