Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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