I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
did you just send me my own nude
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
