The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
