you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
