i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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