do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
