I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
