i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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