Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
