are you so shy because you have an std?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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