i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
handjob tips. give me some.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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