There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
