I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
