Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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