What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
