i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize