booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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