dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
