Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
