we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
