i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
