last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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