If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
