I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
