Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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