1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
