twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You're a waste of cheezeits
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
