; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
