You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
