i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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