i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
