i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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