well I can't set my house on fire every night
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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