it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
