If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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