Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
