Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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