peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
