After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
