Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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