She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
