I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
