I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
