Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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