Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
