Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
