i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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