it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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