theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
