I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
