I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
