Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
