She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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