Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
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Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize