You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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