She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
