the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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