i think i have herpe
just one?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
