i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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