she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
