Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
