can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
