I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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