WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
BRING THE BAGELS
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
