That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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